The guide to being a rapper in 2007
Hip hop is dying because the music is so fucking formulaic. I feel like I've heard the same song for the last fifteen years. Here's the formula to 80% of all hip-hop:
1. Claim you're the world's best MC. Your claim should include boasts of sexual prowess or physical toughness (preferably both)
2. State that all other MCs are either substandard or homosexual. Threatening violence is ok.
3. Reference your high net worth.
4. Describe in detail the material goods your high net worth affords you.
5. Include at least one reference to a club. Make sure it contains the words "Cristal" and "VIP" .
6. Don't forget the bitches in the club. As a rule of thumb, if there's no bitches, it's not hip-hop.
7. Describe how the bitches are impressed with either: a) the size of your financial estate, b) the size of your cock, or c) both.
8. Brag about how your large______ enabled you to have sexual relations with the bitches and then send them packing.
9. Reiterate your claim as being the world's best MC.
10. Give a shoutout to your producer.Done.
I'm going to send this to 50 Cent. He'll probably use it as is... What happened to the days of gold chains and boomboxes?
"I WANT MY HIP HOP BACK!!"
posted by GravyPlaya @ 10:50 AM
1 Comments:
Im at work lurking and stumbled across this blog...I just posted this recently regarding hip hop...
I was in a Taye Diggs Sanaa Lathan type of mood yesterday and decided to watch Brown Sugar..if you know the movie, you know that Sanaa's character asks the question, "When did you fall in love with hip hop?" I thought about it and it did not take me one second to remember. When I first heard A Tribe Called Quest's "Skypager" I was taken to a whole new place. Growing up in Atlanta, there weren't many heads that were digging the whole New York rap thing. I would listen to the radio station that Clark Atlanta had on late at night playing Tribe, De La Soul and other groups on this old little radio that I got from my grandma. I fell in LOVE with hip-hop in those little moments sneaking a listen on those late nights. At this moment, hip hop has nice beats, but he has nothing to say. At this moment, old school hip hop and other types of music take precedent now. I'll be glad when he gets back to himself.
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